Hope at last for the girl who lives in a basketball

[alexsarll]

Finally, a lamp that outlasts its bulb. And that's not me being oblique, just joy at a small triumph.

I watched the gloriously dumb Caddyshack last night. I wonder if it was formulaic at the time, or if it helped create the formula? And did the gopher always look rubbish, or did it once seem as crazily modern as Dire Straits' 'Money For Nothing' video?
(Strangely, even though it was shown on Five, there were no ad breaks whatsoever)

Alien Versus Predator next, and there is a handy link - one of the opening scenes is set in Nebraska. That aside, they don't have much in common. For starters, Caddyshack was following the right formula. AVP begins by ticking all the boxes - but they're boxes from the wrong checklist. I don't care about 'assembling the team' here, fun though it was in Shaolin Soccer. I don't care about seeing the reluctant ice guide deciding to come after all. In fact, why are they even in the sodding Antarctic? Why aren't they in New York? Or, if you don't want to screw up Aliens continuity, on some future colony world? In fairness, characterising the puny humans didn't slow down the film as much as I'd feared it might, but there could still have been a lot more of the simple concept advertised in the title. What is it that enables Hollywood to take a concept which seems invulnerable in its brilliance, and then *still* mess it up? Why do the Predators suddenly need a Chariots of the Gods backstory? Why do some of the Aliens seem to have Predator camouflage technology? Why has the Alien life-cycle changed so much? Where do all those bloody Aliens come from when there's a limited supply of human hosts? Where's the threat of the Aliens reaching the outside world when they're all stuck on 'one of the most remote places on Earth'? Why is 'acoustics' spelt "accoustics" on the magazine cover where we first see Wayland? Why is Lance Henriksen, the one man in this farrago whom I know for sure can act, given a role which consists mostly of coughing? Why don't they make my proposed Aliens Versus Daleks instead? Wasn't the DVD cut meant to be an 18, or was that just damage limitation? What is this thing Hollywood has with everyone demasking? Why, when the Predator does demask, don't they go for the obvious snog?
There's still a few kicking fight scenes, sure, but this could so easily have been so much better. As was, even though I haven't been drinking at home, it drove me to GIN.


An interesting piece here on a possible Rosetta Stone for Rain Man-style savants. I especially like his fondness for the works of GK Chesterton.

The questions keep coming:
Baffled, London: So long as it's offered gently, as a 'maybe', and not in a hectoring fashion, then people are unlikely to object. They may not act according to it, true, but then at least you have done what you can, and can rest easy in the knowledge that you have done your best.

Restless Rent Boy: By reversing down the road until you find a turn-off we missed.

Sonny Crockett: I'm tempted to suggest you attempt to recreate Vice City, but I fear that could end in tears. Simply because you're not in London doesn't mean your obliged to detail !London life, any more than those blogging from London are obliged to detail London life. I mean, look at how little of this entry is conventionally biographic.

Is anyone else planning on attending The Lowlife on Sunday? "An evening of melodic melancholia" at the Buffalo Bar by Val Fan Club et al, finished in time for last tubes.

Comments

[johnnyvertigen.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking about Sunday. We'll see how much of a state I'm in after tomorrow night.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

If I go, I will likely straight-edge.

[johnnyvertigen.livejournal.com]

Straight-edging is a skill that has always eluded me.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

[Insert borderline racist comment about the Scots here]

[london-imp.livejournal.com]

I am thinking about attending The Lowlife. Christ, if my flatmate really wants to see The Saw Doctors earlier in the day, the chances are i'm going to be extremely depressed.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Their name always puzzled me. I mean, you're voluntarily admitting that you are incompetents, and that any encounter with you is likely to be extremely painful?

[darkmarcpi.livejournal.com]

I'm considering The Lowlife, though I am out for lunch with the parents on Sunday which, combined with a likely hangover, might force my hand to stay at home.

I like the concept lots, though only recall seeing one act (Trembling Blue Stars) on the list who I really like. Give me Mazzy Star, Mojave 3, RHP, Gamine...

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't be surprised if the first at least should make an appearance.

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

Sunday is completely given over to Angel viewing in sunny Peckham, I'm afraid, and even if not, I'm honour bound never to go to a night which features the Gen1tal (see what I did there) Waves on the flyer.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Admittedly their music is so twee it makes all sane people want to KILL AND KILL AGAIN! but there is some good stuff on there too.

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

Yeah but, you know. It's the stuff I'd listen to at home in sparse lighting, not with a bunch of US indie-rock wannabes (In My Humble Experience etc) discussing their beards.

[violentbec.livejournal.com]

caddyshack is GREBT!
the crappy gopher is all part of the genius.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

See, I'd probably agree, but are we being anachronistic in thinking of it as crappy?

[violentbec.livejournal.com]

no. it is a big pile of sh1te, but that in no way means it's a bad fillum by any stretch of the imagination. see also: billy madison.

[icecoldinalex.livejournal.com]

AVP = better on dvd than in the cinema, but still a bit rub.

the sad thing is checking out the extras, and realising that this has the most love put into it than any since Aliens, but still doesn't work! (oh, and that every deleted scene they didn't restore is better than any of the final cut! d'oh!)
Ah well, the life cycle does seem to be changeable (time differences in ALien, Alien 3, ressurection) and the orginal cut of Aliens featured Ripley finding Burke in the cocoon at the end, saying he could "feel it moving inside" (fnar), which only gives about 30 minutes from capture, to facehugging, to iminent chestbursting, so...
Anderson has put foward the idea of genetically enhanced super-charged aliens for the predators to hunt, hence the rapid birth/growth rate. But, if that is the case, then ALLUDE TO IT IN THE F*CKING SCRIPT, MAN!

there are no cloaking Aliens to my knowledge - just some seen through the predators cloak...

All the clunky dialogue aside, though, and ignoring how wrong a lot of it is it's kind of worth it (from a geeky Alien/Predator fan POV) for the shot of the predator ship flying over the whaling station (the loss of noise is ace), for the Aliens moving beautifully and for the Queen, gawd bless 'er, finally looking as deadly as the scripts always suggested. No way could Ripley beat her up with the powerloader now!

i am such a geek. *sobs*

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

This version didn't seem to have any deleted scenes. I watched the 'extended version' but it still barely broke 90 minutes.

Anderson has put foward the idea of genetically enhanced super-charged aliens for the predators to hunt, hence the rapid birth/growth rate. But, if that is the case, then ALLUDE TO IT IN THE F*CKING SCRIPT, MAN!

Yeah, I did infer something like that, but they really should have cleared it up. And frankly, the Predators seem to be a bit rub at running safari parks. I mean, why leave the guns inside, for fvck's sake?

The cloaked Aliens - I may have got that wrong, then, or the effects may have glitched. Fair enough.

If the Queen can be taken down by 19th-century chains, a Powerloader could surely still get her!

[icecoldinalex.livejournal.com]

not moving at that speed she couldn't - they got lucky!

the extended version is a con, there are about a dozen deleted scenes on the two-disc edition, which haven't been restored to the cut... a shame for the most part.

The idea is that they have to fight to get to their guns, to prove themselves as men (another deleted scene bit of exposition, yeah, leave all the story on the cutting room floor, why don't ya?) but... bit of a problem there mr. anderson, as the Queen was only re-activated by picking up the guns! gawd...

as is the mantra of comic fans everywhere, they should just have filmed the first comic, god knows they nicked enough from it...

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

Amen to that, brother. It's a shame and that's why I'm leaving off buying the DVD. I enjoyed it in the cinema with my analysis-mode on pause. On DVD, I knew it would disappoint as the plot holes and missing bits gaped afore me like ruddy great chasms.
It's like seeing THE FIVE DOCTORS more than once. Fun in a celebratory way the first time but more than that and you're asking for trouble.
Now please Hollywood, don't adapt/fvck-up GHOST RIDER for the big screen.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Ghost Rider's the reverse of normal adaptations, though - he's a brilliant basic concept who to the best of my knowledge has never appeared in a decent comic, just as the X-Men were prior to their first film.

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

I've read some good stories with him in but that were ages ago & I no longer have access to said comics to put forward as evidence to the contrary.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

This version was a mess, really - a Rental sleeve containing a Retail DVD. Frankly, I doubt it's salvageable enough that I'd bother watching another version...

The 'proving self as men' bit is there, in part. But not giving them the guns just seemed a handicap too far.

I've never actually read any of the comics. Though I do love Judge Dredd Versus Aliens.

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

Just avoid TERMINATOR vs ALIENS vs PREDATOR and you'll be doing okay. I can't believe that thing is being sold as a collectable for stupid big money. What a cack-fest that was.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

I think there was even a four-way once - possibly Aliens versus Predator versus Witchblade versus Tomb Raider. Whatever, it was aptly subtitled Overkill.

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

*gah* Noooooo. The thing is with a lot of crossovers, there is a feasible way to do it credibly. For TVAVP just have the preds release a bunch of facehuggers into a human encampment during the skynet war. Easy. And odd ones like Batman versus Predator was good.
But yeah, that one you mentioned sounds like a p1sstake. Four franchises crossing-over!! Argh! Reminds me of that DC versus Marvel nightmare.

[stephens.livejournal.com]

That clubnight looks lovely, if I have an ounce of energy I will come along.

x

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

If you want an ounce of 'energy', you should probably ask one of the goths to score it for you.

[stephens.livejournal.com]

I didn't know you could still get those lucozade tablets ;-)

Any idea what sort of time you'll be getting there?

x

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Not sure, tbh. 8ish, maybe a bit later.

[thermaland.livejournal.com]

Anyone wanting to take me to the Lowlife would not be able to catch me alive.