A nun-mutated humanity

[alexsarll]

(From the context of that typo in Universe X it's clear that it's meant to be "an un-mutated humanity". But sod that, I want to see the last of the Marvel heroes versus armies of mutant nuns)

Meant to say yesterday that I love the sheer hubris of minor Primrose Hill street England's Lane (erroneously stripped of its apostrophe on that map).

In a good mood with films about great kings whose names begin with A which were panned by the critics, I attempted King Arthur last night. In this instance, the critics were right. I've read Wace, Layamon and some of the Mabinogion; I know the earliest versions of the myth. I also know the classic (or as I think of it, true) version. This film was neither, just a grim mess, a belated Gladiator cash-in. I only managed twenty minutes; if an already bad film features Ray fvcking Winstone talking about the size of his c0ck, then even the promise of a scantily-clad Keira Knightley won't keep me longer than that. Elvis and JFK's monster-hunting redemption in Bubba Ho-Tep was much more the ticket. To everyone involved with King Arthur, I say: Eat the dog-d1ck of Anubis, you asswipes!

Channel 4 had Fahrenheit 911 last night, but Five had The Truth About Kate Moss. Neither was going to tell me anything I didn't know, but where the former would feature Michael Moore and Dubya onscreen most of the time, the latter had much footage not only of Kate herself, but also of Johnny Depp. Easy choice.

June Sarpong's interviewing Tony Blair for T4 on Sunday. Who says he shies away from the interviewers who'd ask uncomfortable questions, eh? Because simply hearing her voice on screen makes me want to squirm clear out of my skin. They deserve each other.

Why do I keep waking up, exhausted, at 5AM? OK, last night I was having a socially awkward dream about having to leave a Rat Pack beach party without explaining that I was off to see Ocean's 12, but that doesn't explain the previous two nights, or why I couldn't get back to sleep.

Comments

[jamesward.livejournal.com]

Five had The Truth About Gay Moths?

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Yes. The conclusion was that they're slightly less gay than jamesward.

[jamesward.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well last night I watched The Truth About Alex Sarll Can Go F#ck Himself and the conclusion was that Alex Sarll can go f#ck himself.

[london-imp.livejournal.com]

He's been blessed.

[sbp.livejournal.com]

Bubba Ho Tep! I always meant to go and see that.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

It's not like you missed the film of the century or anything, but it's fairly entertaining. And no doubt the DVD is the sort of thing that will always turn up in sales.

[beingjdc.livejournal.com]

My father stayed in a house on England's Lane when he came over to watch the 1966 World Cup. He remains amazed when I tell him what the local house prices are round there now.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Does he have any idea why its name's so overambitious?

[beingjdc.livejournal.com]

Named after an tenant of the farm that was on it when it was the Chalcot estate, sometime in the 18th century. originally called Upper Chalcots Lane, apparently.

There are others.

[my-red-dream.livejournal.com]

Is June Sarpong the voice of Da Kidz now or something? Or do they consider her qualified because she was shagging an MP?

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Yes, as The Youth your official media representative is June Sarpong, or Vernon Kaye for boys. And then people wonder why The Youth are so disaffected.

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

I can remember seeing a brief interview with Marilyn Manson them two muppets. *teensy* bit of a cultural collision there.
"Let's see if we can drown out his freakiness with the combined glow of our megawatt perma-grins!"

[perfectlyvague.livejournal.com]

I believe that stoopidbird had a chinwag with her a couple of years back when she was working for Estelle Morris at some education/youthy event the Dept. organised so yes I think she has some sort of official government/kidz type representation thing going on

[alfirin-kirinki.livejournal.com]

Ah, you completely miss the humour in King Arthur. It's actually a really funny film. You really do have to watch it with your tongue in cheek and a hand wedged firmly into a vat of salt.

And the slash will just wash over you. Because it's not even subtextual! In the cinema version we have what is commonly referred to as, "The Double Wedding".

As for the legend part, there actually is more evidence to suggest that Arthur was of the Roman people - if he existed at all. The Arthur in the common legend only suddenly began to appear in the 11 or 1200s. He is commonly believed by historians to be more of an aspiration - something soldiers should strive to be, and the Holy Grail an idea, rather than a genuine object.

I seriously suggest you give the film a second chance.

And go here.

.a.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Oh believe me, I know the convoluted route the legend took; the way each generation recast it in light with their own concerns (so Gawain is eclipsed by Lancelot as the Britons are eclipsed by the French); and that Arthur was at least a little inspired by the memory of Rome, or maybe even one of theirs (whatever that meant by the Dark Ages).
But where do the fvcking Sarmatians come into it? In what version is Merlin the enemy? When did it acquire Hollywood's beloved 'one last job' plot?

Slash-wise, I doubt it's a patch on Alexander. Comedy-wise, even if the script is intended to be so bad it's funny, I just found it bad - I don't like many Troma films either.

[alfirin-kirinki.livejournal.com]

It's not meant to be historically accurate, dude. Just Historically Realistic. We don't know it couldn't have happened like that, do we.

It is what it is and that's all that it is.

If you watched to the end of the film you'd see that what they have done is split Merlin's character. Tristran is Arthur's Merlin. He does more in the way of magic (if you look closely) than the character of Merlin ever does.

As for Alexander, that is deliberately gay, which is different from slash. It's more an allusion to something than an out-right "WE'RE HERE, WE'RE QUEER!"

Personally, I loved that movie, and as soon as I can get my DVD player working, I shall be buying both formats. I can't wait for my next chance to see Lancelot run after Arthur crying, "How long have we been together?!"

It's all a jolly good laugh.

.a.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

My not grasping the exact definition of 'slash' should serve to emphasise that I'm not that interested in it, and as such that the potential for same is not going to see me giving the film another try...

"It is what it is and that's all that it is."

Yes, but you can say that of any film, so it's essentially meaningless. OK, we don't know for sure that it was not thus; however, given the sources we do have, there's also no reason I can see to extract that version from them. Except, of course, that it fits the concept Hollywood wanted. Which then makes it bloody disingenuous to have that line about 'new archaeological evidence' at the start!

TBH, the idea of giving it another go when I could be watching Excalibur (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082348/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxzZz0xfGxtPTIwMHx0dD1vbnxwbj0wfHE9ZXhjYWxpYnVyfGh0bWw9MXxubT1vbg__;fc=1;ft=14;fm=1) again instead is not going to happen.

[alfirin-kirinki.livejournal.com]

The Sarmatian part does have foundation, I just can't remember where it came from. I've been at about five lectures on the legend of King Arthur in the past year, and the Roman part does make sense.

I mean, why would they go to all that effort to put in the exposition like that when they could just have said, "So there were some blokes who were well good on horses, innit?"

The reason you'd enjoy the slash part is because it's funny. The concept of these big butch men being all soppy (Dagonet is clearly Bors' bitch, as is Galahad to Gawain - Launcelot just wants to be Arthur's bitch, but Arthur appears kind of oblivious to the fact he views them as an item - some of the looks he give Guinevere are hysterical).

Also: I never liked Excalibur.

.a.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

What's not to like in Excalibur, except maybe the lack of any truly epic battles?

"I mean, why would they go to all that effort to put in the exposition like that when they could just have said, "So there were some blokes who were well good on horses, innit?""

Having seen the Constantine trailer twice in a week, I can only say that the ways of Hollywood are not ours to fathom. Maybe they just wanted it to seem more multicultural?

And any scenario involving Ray Winstone in sex, gay or straight, is not funny - it is simply stomach-turning.

[euphoricstimuli.livejournal.com]

I think they were salmatians or something, not samamritans.
Actually the film is based entirely on one particular historical theory, http://www.mun.ca/mst/heroicage/issues/1/halac.htm which I must say I actually thought was a fairly good one. The problem is theyve lifted it forwards about 150 years or so, so as to fit into the period they normally put king arthur in.Hence all the Pelagius stuff. Its actually one of the best researched films Ive seem in a long time.

The problem is that once they had this lage amount of accurate historical research, they then filled in the gaps with the most sensationalist stuff they could imagine.

Which to be honest,in my opinion, if theyve done all this research,good on them, they can go off on one with the rest of it as much as they like.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

I don't think anyone mentioned the samaritans...it would be a bit of a departure from their usual portrayal. Then again, we only ever hear about the good one, so maybe all the others were total psychos?

[tintintin.livejournal.com]

Is there anyone in the entire country who enjoys listening to Sarpong or Kaye?

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

If there is, let's find them and kill them!

But to be honest no, I don't think there is. I expect they're paid by people who don't like them but mistakenly assume The Youth do.