My wife was like all women - strange and evil.

Saw two PCSOs waiting at a pelican this morning, and neither of them even glanced at the button, much less pressed it. And these witless sods are meant to protect us?

The denouement speech in last night's Life on Mars, delivered in the shadow of Hillsborough, actually made me care - something even the relevant Cracker story never achieved. Now that's art. Cheered myself up with the rest of the usual Monday TV - The Thick Of It (going out on a high note) and The Mighty Boosh (I think the reason I don't like this series so much is that the songs aren't so much my thing), plus the previous night's Boris Johnson and the Dream of Rome (I was especially amused by Belgium's national hero). Only problem was, I went and watched Newsnight too, didn't I?
( Believe me, I was really hoping not to write about this today. )

The only respite came at the end, with today's front pages, when after all the images of the crackhead zealot and doom and despair, the Indy came over all hippy and led with the Indonesian lost world. You know, if there are some dinosaurs or dragons in there, we might just have a solution to all this...

I never binge on writers, for love of variety and fear it'll put me off them. Even if I have an omnibus edition of a trilogy, say, I'll leave months or even years left between the novels therein. But yesterday, when I took Book Two of A Song of Ice and Fire back to the library, I honestly think I'd have got Book Three Part One out straight away if somebody else hadn't beaten me to it.

Reason number 172 why Lembit Opik rocks: "Mr Opik said his flight offer extended to the other two candidates: "Air Lembit is just a phone call away.""

1 x gast, flabbered.

So, not only can you not have images of Muhammed - disrespectful portrayals of Saddam Hussein are out, too.

LOVE YOUR ENEMIES this Thursday, and other forthcoming amusements

Love Your Enemies

Playing the likes of: 586, Associates, Auteurs, Burt Bacharach, Brel, Carpenters, Dexys, Diana Ross, Divine Comedy, Dusty Springfield, Human League, Karelia, Kid Creole, Long Blondes, Magazine, Magnetic Fields, Microdisney, Momus, New Order, Pet Shop Boys, Pulp, Scott Walker, Sparks, Tatu

Thursday 9th Feb at Push, 93 Dean St, Soho. £3, £2 with flyer, drinks promos, 7pm ‘til 12. www.myspace.com/l_y_e

( Flyer )

And I won't be playing 'Here Comes The War' or 'Armageddon Time Is Here'. Although that's because I only have them on tape.

While you have your diaries out, Baxendale spin-off Alexander's Festival Hall are playing a free show at the lovely Battersea Barge on Sunday, with Piney Gir. Anyone else fancy it?

Those of you who don't, Johnny Boy are DJing at the Lock Tavern that day. Oh, and for all that I disapprove of the concept of Guilty Pleasures, they have Jarvis Cocker, Steve Mackey, Pete Wiggs and Lawrence DJing at their February 25th event.