New Adventures in Bin Death

[alexsarll]

I got a letter from the former head of MI6 yesterday. I'd love to claim that it was about the repercussions from that little bit of work I did for them in the Paris tunnel, but that would be a lie. Anyway, his name's Sir Richard Dearlove. You can see why he'd trade as M if he wanted to be taken seriously, can't you?

Today's proof that I am a visionary genius; I've worked out how to solve the Tube network's problems. We need maintenance teams who will notice little cracks &c before they become big cracks. We need maintenance workers who can operate while the system's running, so that we can have nocturnal Tubes.
We need to hand over maintenance duties to the Tube mice.

I thought we'd found the Royston Vasey Arms on Saturday; but in their defence, they didn't source their booze from the Royston Vasey Brewery. What deranged mind decided to call a cider Swamp Donkey? And what went wrong with our brains that we attempted to drink a cider called Swamp Donkey?

In further Getting Beverages Wrong peonicity, Ame has been rejigged; now it is flavoured by various mixes of fruits, and has lost much of its kick. Since the sad departure of dead Elvis-themed ginger yumminess The Drink, Ame has been my cherished standby for a non-alcoholic party drink, and now it too has deserted me. Sob.

Comments

[666inmyheart.livejournal.com]

I was once in a very short lived but incredibly twee band called "The Tube Mice" where we all played two chords on a guitar and some recorders. We made the kind of music that made you want to kill.

They've changed Amé? I used to nick that stuff when I worked in the Cornerhouse in Manchester because it tasted so nice. It's also great when mixed with vodka, but that may be going against it's true nature.

xx

[kiss-me-quick.livejournal.com]

Hey, why didn't you come and see us singing?

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am imagining that you made the Gentle Waves sound like Monster Magnet, and can already feel the RAGE rising.

I would never mix Ame with booze; I need to keep it separate and pure for revitalisation purposes, as with citrus Oasis. Except now I can never taste its sweetness again. If only they'd warned me I could at least have stockpiled some!

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Prior engagement at above-referenced Pub With Cider Of Wrong.

[kiss-me-quick.livejournal.com]

Prior? We've been going on about this since January!

[burge.livejournal.com]

Amé changed at Christmas. I was a little put out, but bought a new bottle anyway. Then fishing an old bottle out of the recycling, I compared the ingredients list... exactly the same.

They've always flavoured them with different fruit extracts, it's just that now they've decided to advertise the fact on the labels. Possibly to get more people to buy it, because fruit is healthy, mmm'kay? It tastes just the same, but they made the labels different.

[gregjames.livejournal.com]

Was the cider like a swamp donkey in any way? You could do them under the trade descriptions act.

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

Let me guess, was the pub a Hobgoblin? Those foul pestilences on the good names of public houses often have a horrifically named cider that only goths ever drink.

Anyway, my boozing days are over, and I remain safe from that threat. Hold on, even if I was drinking there's no way I'd go near the rotten stinking blight on apples that = cider anyway so whatever.

No Amé? Why not try Healthy Bacteria yoghurt drink "Drinky Plus" instead.

[violentbec.livejournal.com]

friendly bacteria!

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

The key plank in my argument was more along the lines of it's called "Drinky Plus", I believe it has mini-friendly bacteria for kids that's not as grown up as Yakult which is for a) foxy ladies in coffee bars etc and b) biologists. PS I like the geeky biologist WAY more than his so-called stubbly hotttt so-called friend.

It's true, I can talk about anything, can't I.

[p-dan-tic.livejournal.com]

he dosn't love you

admit the truth

[p-dan-tic.livejournal.com]

worst song ever

what are you thinking?

[violentbec.livejournal.com]

i've always maintained bacteria spacker and his amazing side-parting was far hotter than his mate.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

But IT DOESN'T TASTE THE SAME! Or at least, the white one certainly doesn't; I've not tried any of the others.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

It tasted very much as I imagine a swamp donkey might taste.

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm already on the friendly bacteria. They're ace.

I don't think it was a Hobgoblin. They had three ciders, which astounded me - until I realised that two of them were Bad And Wrong.

[my-red-dream.livejournal.com]

If I was from 1999 I'd say that the tube mice were BADASSES.

[666inmyheart.livejournal.com]

You're asking this of Barry Dan, you know the answer's going to involve bizarre medieval sects and sex.

xx

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Both of the worst songs ever feature Beatles.

Last time I checked this was The Dire Straits Song It's OK To Like. Not that I give a toss, considering I like a fair few of theirs. Patrick Bateman, c'est moi.

[atommickbrane.livejournal.com]

Which type? I have only sampled the benecol one which is apparently one of the few which actually have the 'ardkore plant extract in them as opposed to, oh I don't know, some type of hippy rub that does you barely any good at all, I've forgotten the details. The benecol one was surprsingly tasty but I can't afford a benecol habit. Although perhaps with the money I'm saving on GIN... nah.

3 ciders? This screams "pub I must avoid like the plague".

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

They down wid their bad selves!

[barrysarll.livejournal.com]

Three ciders was not the Grail it first seemed. But it should prove quite an easy pub for you to avoid.

I favour Actimel.

[kiss-me-quick.livejournal.com]

The rosé one tastes the same.

[my-red-dream.livejournal.com]

An' dey put up bad shelves!


*gets cloak*

[cappuccino-kid.livejournal.com]

bacteria spacker invented Franz Ferdinand.